I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
