totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize