Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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