dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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