fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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