theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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