i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
