but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
