I wish I could punch you in the face.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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