Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
