I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
