If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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