I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i now understand why vodka
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
