p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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