i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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