I am puke
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
