Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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