any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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