I can't watch pbs sober anymore
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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