Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
