I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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