dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize