Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
