I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She needs sedatives and a leash
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
