It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
