I wish I only lived at night.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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