I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Drunk is not a location!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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