Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
