let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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