So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
