We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
