i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
