Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
