Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
