You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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