On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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