Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
