FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
