It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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