This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
