I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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