pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Even my vagina gasped.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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