is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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