All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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