How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
