The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
