He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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