How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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