I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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