You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
