My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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