Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
