Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
