Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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