My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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