you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
