I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
