thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
