Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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