Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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