You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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